personality vs. performance

It’s all over my feed, so let’s talk about work, personality, and performance feedback.

I’ve been the HR manager.
The PIP-er.
The Imma-lay-you-off-er.
The one being laid off.

So when I see posts claiming that feedback like “you’re too intense” or “you’re too blunt” is always biased and never constructive?

I make a face.

Because if you’re going to be on a team—especially at a startup—your ability to collaborate matters just as much as your brilliance.

I’ve seen what happens when we forget that.

Like this gem:

A junior designer mouths off to the tech team—repeatedly—and gets shielded by “authenticity.”

Meanwhile, a senior dev quietly walks out because of it.
No one reins in the junior.

Three months later?
Still no replacement.
Morale's shot.
Team’s bleeding talent.

The junior? Off to a flashier role.
C-suite scratches their heads.

And also, this:

A mid-level growth associate stirs the pot.
They complain they don't have direct access to the CEO.
Say it’s because their voice is “too real.”
They rally the team. Disrupt workflows. Create chaos.

What they don’t know?
The CEO is quietly prepping for surgery.
No one’s getting access right now.

The CMO steps in and calmly cuts through the noise:
“We all feel siloed sometimes, but this is a team.
We’ve got to get on the bus and muddle through, together.
Do you think you can still do work here?”

I watched this moment happen.
The associate looked like they’d been shaken awake.

They were trying to make it about personality.
The CMO brought it back to performance.

Here’s the thing:
Your personality shows up at work.
So does everyone else’s.

So does:
→ All the bad stuff that's ever happened to you
→ What your kid said to you in the car
→ What you ate for breakfast

And if everyone is told to “bring their whole self,”
we’re not creating cohesion—but collision.

Human friction gets dressed up as bias.
Honest feedback gets labeled as an attack.
Teams leak mental energy trying to predict whose "authenticity" will win today.

It's why workplace cultures are a must-have and a mainstay.

I say this as a neurodivergent woman.
One who’s been the bulldozer and the balancer.
20 years in, here’s what I’ve learned:

In the right cultures, my personality force multiplies my performance.
In the wrong ones, my personality inhibits my performance.

I don't pretend otherwise.

I thrive on optimistic, enthusiastic accountability—
where everyone donates all their extra electrons.

It’s why I love startups.
And why I built The Radiant Resistance.

Now I choose who I serve, how, and the rules of engagement.
I help other women do the same.
Especially those who’ve been told they’re too intense, too emotional, too bold to fit in.

Because here’s the glaring truth:
If your performance issues at work feel like "you" issues,
Then maybe your personality IS the problem.
But not because it’s too big, too bold, or too much.
It's just a format mismatch.
Maybe you’re not a bad employee—
You're a miscast solopreneur.

xo,

Mary